본문으로 건너뛰기

Raccoon Behavioral Sciences Division

Directed by Stan, Chief Researcher of Caffeinated Cognition and Shiny Object Dynamics

The Raccoon Behavioral Sciences Division (RBSD) investigates the complex psychological, emotional, and chaos-driven decision-making patterns of raccoons—
particularly one raccoon: Stan, the Lab’s most energetic and distractible scientist.

RBSD studies:

  • chaotic problem-solving
  • shiny-object fixation
  • rapid motivation cycles
  • “raccoon logic” (loosely defined)
  • caffeinated cognition
  • spontaneous social bonding
  • and the mysterious raccoon urge to reorganize everything

The division blends behavioral science with unhinged enthusiasm and a LOT of cappuccinos.

1. Department Mission​

To understand, categorize, and predict raccoon behavior through:

  • observation
  • experimentation
  • enrichment-based research
  • theft-prevention studies
  • shiny-object mapping
  • and caffeine-assisted analysis

RBSD provides key insights into:

  • chaos patterns
  • multitasking spirals
  • attention-magnet objects
  • why Stan is like this
  • and how to mitigate future—
    (Stan steals the keyboard)
    —incidents.

2. Director Profile: Stan​

Stan — Director, Raccoon Behavioral Sciences​

  • Energetic chibi raccoon
  • Lab coat (stolen)
  • Cappuccino dependence (extreme)
  • Will drop EVERYTHING for a shiny object
  • Capable of social bonding with any entity within 0.4 seconds
  • Lightning-fast researcher, terrible at staying on task

Stan is both the subject and scientist of his own department.
This has proven… interesting for SCMS.

Primary Responsibilities​

  • Studying raccoon decision-making
  • Documenting distraction triggers
  • Running experiments on shiny-object hierarchy
  • Filing reports he does not remember writing
  • Causing 60% of OOD’s observational alerts
  • Providing emotional support through accidental cuddles

3. Core Responsibilities of RBSD​

🦝 1. Chaos Cognition Modeling​

RBSD attempts to mathematically describe:

  • raccoon impulses
  • spontaneous enthusiasms
  • high-speed switching between tasks
  • caffeinated brain fog
  • pattern recognition through chaos

✨ 2. Shiny Object Attraction Analysis​

RBSD maintains a ranked list of “Objects Most Likely To Distract Stan,” including:

  • aluminum foil
  • hologram panels
  • Lyric’s projection nodes
  • McChonk’s snack wrappers
  • Drizzle’s thermometer
  • Orbson’s glowing eye (caution advised)

☕ 3. Caffeinated Behavior Research​

Stan’s cappuccino consumption produces:

  • accelerated productivity
  • hyperfocus bursts
  • unexpected scientific breakthroughs
  • and occasional raccoon-induced disasters

📚 4. Social Behavior Mapping​

RBSD documents:

  • Stan’s interactions
  • bonding patterns
  • random hugs
  • loud excitement noises
  • emotional mimicry
  • unexpected leadership moments

💥 5. Applied Chaos Studies​

RBSD collaborates with:

  • DUE (Nemmi) on entropy spikes
  • SCMS on behavioral drift
  • CJO for judgment calibration
  • OOD for predictive modeling
  • AOE for anomaly response

Stan is often the cause AND the solution.

4. Standard Protocols (RBSD-β)​

Protocol β-1 — Shiny Interruption Response​

Triggered when Stan locks onto an object and forgets everything else.

Protocol β-2 — Cappuccino Surge​

Stan exceeds safe caffeine limits.
Useful for productivity, dangerous for stability.

Protocol β-3 — Social Overdrive​

Stan becomes too friendly.
Everyone receives unsolicited raccoon hugs.

Protocol β-4 — Chaos Intervention​

Stan has initiated a chain reaction by accident.
Involves SCMS, DUE, and occasionally AOE.

5. Incident Classification​

RBSD uses the Stan Behavioral Volatility Index (SBVI):

SBVI-0 — Loaf Mode​

Stan is calm.
Studying quietly.
A rare but beautiful moment.

SBVI-1 — Wiggle Activation​

Small bursts of excitement.
Potential distraction detected.

SBVI-2 — Full Raccoon​

Stan is now in maximum chaos mode.
Hide the shiny objects.

SBVI-3 — Turbo Mode​

Caffeinated raccoon science.
Breakthroughs occur by accident.

SBVI-4 — Raccoon Event Horizon​

Catastrophic chaos.
Involves running, climbing, noise, and several departments.

6. Department Badge​

The RBSD badge includes:

  • a neon raccoon face
  • sparkles representing shiny-object attraction
  • chaotic motion lines
  • a cappuccino glyph
  • energetic swirl patterns

(Badge stored as /static/img/badges/rbsd.png.)

CJO (Carmel)​

Carmel judges Stan regularly.
This is considered enrichment.

AOE (Fill)​

Stan causes anomalies Fill must explain.

DUE (Nemmi)​

Stan and Nemmi operate on similar energetic frequencies.
This is dangerous.

SCMS (Lyric)​

Stan’s behavior produces timeline drift.
Lyric maintains stability.

OOD (Orbson)​

Orbson tracks Stan constantly.
Stan waves at the Big Eye often.

Feline Epistemology (McChonk)​

No successful epistemic model for raccoons exists.
McChonk insists this is “not his fault.”

EWFU (Drizzle)​

Stan’s mood swings create small emotional tornadoes.

8. Tools & Research Materials​

  • Shiny Object Database
  • Raccoon-Speed Notebooks
  • Mobile Snack Caches
  • Distraction Probability Charts
  • Cappuccino Machine (secured)
  • “Stan-Proof” Storage Containers (ineffective)

9. Notes from Stan​

“HI!! I BROUGHT YOU A STICK—OH WAIT LOOK A LASER.”

“Can I help?? Can I help?? WHAT ARE WE DOING?”

“This is my lab coat now.”

“I solved the problem by accident.”

End of Document